A little more than a decade ago, I went Radio Kashmir, Srinagar where I was scheduled for recording my short story.
While approaching to recording room I came across a familiar face in the corridor. I knew him. He is thoroughly a gentle man and a decent person. So far I remember he worked as production assistant either to Bashir Budgami sahib or Zahid Manzoor sahib in Doorsarshan Kindra, Srinagar. (I don’t remember his name this time. Names of acquaintances frequently elude me at the moment when I require quoting them! Pitty!) He was later elevated to the post of full-ledged producer and deputed to Radio Kashmir, Srinagar.
After exchanging customary greetings that guy told me that he was transferred from Doordarshan to Radio Kashmir and was posted as Producer, Drama section, there. He wanted me to write a play for him. I nodded in agreement.
After a few days of that casual meeting I thought on writing a Radio Play. Once a writer gets a good idea for a story, he finds it easy to flesh that out into a plot. So I started thinking of some new ideas.
There were some horrible events which stuck in my mind and would go round and round in my head. There are many awful experiences which frequently flash through my mind. So I decided to make a particular social wickedness the bedrock of my story which relates to “atypical type” of divorced women. Thus, I fictionalised the events having factual backgrounds.
Opinion should be based on the facts and events. I wanted to tell and highlight the story of the injustices and prejudices faced by the women. I wanted to make an attempt to create awareness about social evils, apathy and vindictiveness.
So the topic of my play revolved around those numerous instances where a groom was discovered impotent on the very wedding night. But in the most of the cases the brides remained mum either because of the embarrassment and disgrace or the assurances given to them by the grooms that they will be well soon with the treatment. I am myself witness to many and many such cases where the lives of the girls turned hell due to the very reasons. The guys whom they were married did not confess their impotency but persistently claimed being potent. It was after many, many years together, long persuasions, intervention of Mohalla committees and other religious and social organizations that the victim girls succeeded in getting the divorce and relieved. But in spite of split-up those divorcee girls hardly got the suitable partner afterwards because the stigma of ‘once married’ was with them. Prospective grooms generally decline to accept such women. Bundles of stresses also tell upon the physical health of such women and with the passage of time they get reduced to haggard looks and lose the physical attraction, as a consequence their chances for a second marriage become bleak.
A woman suffers very much after divorce because a woman happens much emotional in nature so she makes huge emotional investments in the relationship. Naturally, when that relationship is shattered her situation becomes worse as she passes through mental agony.
Even after remarriage such a divorcee does not succeed to propel her past story to the back of memory, instead it lingers on her mind till her last breath.
It is not just the feeling of financial burden only that her parents has to bear on her second marriage but the unloving way she is being usually treated by her family after the divorce pulls her down in the shit of sorrows. So after divorce a stressful life starts for the woman. Furthermore, If second marriage of divorcee prolongs the empathy of the parents is seen dying out and irritation overshadows it.
Our social set up too proves hopeless for such happenings. Instead supporting such victim and encouraging her parents morally and emotionally, people usually start gossiping and questioning.
Outwardly, people show offering help but that is just a show-off. There is no dearth of those lecherous men in our society who deem a divorced woman, especially the one in question, an easy catch because of her emotional vulnerability and at times make unwelcome advances towards her or keep on passing loaded remarks. Sometimes they succeed also in establishing illicit relations with the gullible victim using sweet talks and the woman trusting the man for support.
The women folk prove much worse for these ill-fated divorcees. Their minds whirring and they pester such ill-fated girls with their peculiar (sometimes immodest) queries and make them embarrassed. In our society a divorcee becomes a public property and anyone takes liberty to comment on her. How unfortunate, our society deems it ridiculous and awkward if a divorcee smiles; we wish to see her sobbing and crying always and keep on narrating her ordeals and woes!
It is a big crime if a guy knowing his impotency but agrees for marriage. By doing so he is devastating the whole life of an innocent girl. Such ‘guys’ spoil the lives of girls and play with their future so they should be strongly condemned and the victims should be extended full support.
Anyway, I weaved a story on these very situations and wrote a play titled “Taem Thov Third” (means, He Fled). But the man who had solicited a play from me could not dare to produce it. Then Nissar Nasim Sahib came forward and produced and presented that play from Radio Kashmir. Nisar Nasim Sahib is a veteran in his field and well-known for taking such challenges. The unfortunate part about that play was the work of artists who happened not much skilled in their art, and the direction too was not well-matched to the stature of Nisar Nasim sahib. Nevertheless, it evinced a great interest in public.
Presently, I am working on a book “Secrets women wish men should know!” This will be (InshaAllah) my 18th publication.
It may not be out of place to mention here that in order to make this book an exhaustive one I solicited advices in certain matters from Jenab Dr. Saleem Wani sahib, a noted urologist of JK State and an affable personality. Recalling an event related to a peculiar case, which had involved him unwontedly, Dr. Saleem revealed that one fine morning a guy, deserted by his wife on the ground of impotency, approached him and wanted medical checkup. He wanted to prove his potency medically. Dr. Saleem suggested him to get his wife along so that precise conclusion is derived. But the woman was reluctant to face any inquiry and was unwilling to put up with his husband. After great persuasion, his husband finally motivated her. After examining the guy I found him medically ok. According to Dr. Saleem, he advised the lady for patch up as the charge of erectile dysfunction leveled by her to his husband was not medically true. Dr. Saleem said that some bridegrooms face this problem in the nuptial nights because of some nervousness, strain and exhaustion. Continuing his statement, he said that the lady lived for some days with his husband and then deserted him again. Afterwards it was heard that residents of two localities were involved in that feud and finally the lady took the issue to the court of law. ‘Occasional arguments do spring up, but those should be momentary and should not dwell upon for the long. Happy marriage is one wherein couples are true friends and can count on each other forever.’ Dr. added.
The author is a Freelance Writer & Columnist